The Real Dortmunder is the Free Dab

I must be doing something right. When I pretty much accepted that I was going to go back into the red side of the free beer challenge, a bone was thrown - perhaps even a sign from above - that kept me on the green side. That sign?

A cashier's delightful mistake!

Before you all burst out of your homes/dumpsters/friend's couch and rush to the LCBO, even I didn't expect this kind of good fortune. While attempting to pay via debit, the cashier mistakenly opened the register - and for those that never worked a cashier job, that apparently breaks the register, or confuses it to the point that it can't accept money.

Instead of re-confuubuling the energy-mo-tron, or whatever, the cashier just gave me the beer and told me it was "on them." Amazing!

I never actually got to drink it before I hit the movies, as a guy that couldn't figure out how a touchscreen required touching severely slowed me down, so instead I've returned to my humble abode to sip my extra-special beer...

...and as it so happens, it just may be my favourite beer.

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Now it was pretty evident from the beginning of this blog that I'm something of an experienced drinker. And given the fact that I live in Canada and have as of this moment, only reviewed beers from Europe, it's clear I've gone beyond the "drink whatever shite comes my way" and have tried quite a few. So with some of these reviews, we're not breaking some hallowed ground (although there is a bunch on the docket that most certainly will be a new experience in drinkage).

So! Let's begin!

Dab proudly calls itself the "Real Dortmunder", which is a damn catchy tagline. In fact, through routine, I now am unable to hold a fresh can of Dab without automatically saying it in my finest German accent (which is particularly terrible).

Now as a 5.0% alcohol beer, it's not breaking new ground as a strong beer or a "light" beer. And unlike other smooth tastes, that are designed to have as little bite as possible, Dab pulls no punches and throws itself out for what it is. There's certainly a little bit of bitterness when you first drink it; but it's not a strong bitterness and it's not unpleasant. It's a fairly unique taste (as far as beers go), and you definitely feel like you're drinking a beer when you have it. It sits in your stomach and you feel that warming tingle spread throughout your body (but you don't feel drunk from just one). But a strange (see: good) thing happens when you drink it. There's a bit of a bite at the beginning, but it gives way to a smooth, desirable aftertaste that I can't really compare to anything else.

If there's any downside to this beer, drinking too much of it will definitely dehydrate you. It has a dry feeling throughout, so you'll want to drink more as soon as you finish it.

As for the tagline "the real Dortmunder", and a surprisingly unspecific brewery location, I can only make the assumption that it's brewed in Dortmund, Germany, which is in the northeast part of the country, approximately 75 km (or 50 miles, for you people that haven't joined the winning, metric system team yet) from the border with eastern Netherlands. I've already found that in my small sample size of drinking beer, I am enjoying beers from that area of Europe. There's something so damn tasty about that water that it seems they can't go wrong with breweries there.

The label is really basic, which essentially no graphics on it, but yet it one of my favourites. It's "banner" style for the label really just displays information, such as the tagline, the fact that it's original (I didn't know imitation beers were a problem...) and a phrase "Actien-Brauerei", which I don't know what that means, and that it was established in 1868, one year after Canada was founded (perhaps a gift?).

All in all, ridiculously fantastic. And with a usual $2.00 price tag, it sits in the "discount" tallboy range, but it's killer taste really puts it up with some of the best beers I've drank.

Net Zero Drinking:
$8.45 purchased
$10.90 returned
$2.45 up

The Tree of Lech

Ah....

After a piss-off runaround afternoon, I finally got a reward (of more beer!). After running around, dealing with the government (ugh), returning a pool pump to hell the pool company, going to the bank, and returning my first collection of empties, I found that I had not only enough to cover the Faxe(s), but also to explore some more liquid nourishment.

Today, it was a Polish tallboy, harshly named Lech. Although the name, at least with an English accent, sounds like the ending sound of vomit, it doesn't disappoint. I remember tasting Lech a year or so ago and being underwhelmed by the taste, but it's possible I was already drunk at that point. And although my other tastings of Poland's concoctions proved to have similar results, this one felt... different. 

 To begin, I was in a part of the city that I didn't usually stop in, but frequently drove through. The best part about it was that it's close to the fringes, and there was some good nature trails nearby, ones that I frequently ran on or biked through.

So a short drive down the road put me into a great, hilly natural area with a single trail, and the perfect opportunity to slink away the annoying afternoon of bullshit with some music and Lech.

After finding a quiet place where I could see the trail (but not be seen) and relax in nature, I cracked open the Pivo and started sipping.

I have to say, although there was a strange similarity to Faxe, the aftertaste was a little more bitter and harsh; but I actually enjoyed it more than Faxe. Perhaps it was because I was out in nature, "secretly" drinking away my annoyances with the day while listening to music, but I like to think it was something more. After polishing it off, I noticed that it hit me harder than the Faxe, as I felt a little more than a buzz (and I was drinking this with essentially the same food in my stomach). This was despite the fact that it has the standard amount of alcohol, at 5%. Fortunately, the buzz wore away quite quickly and I was away.

As for where it was brewed, it says it's from Poznan, Poland, which is on the Warta river in Western Poland. It's a pretty large city, so I suspect Lech is a popular beer in Europe, but hasn't translated to much more than an average "speciality" beer in Ontario. And at a price of 1.95 a can, it's generally worth the price of admission, although I could say you can find better at a similar price.

It won't offend the senses, but it won't blow you away. Although if you're out in nature, the can's design blends in quite well with the greenery around you, making it handy for discreet drinking.

At least I'm back on the right side of Net Zero.

Net Zero Drinking:
$5.85 bought
$10.90 returned
$5.05 up