Navigating All Around Ontario, We Can Make Time...

Wow, it's been a while since I managed to blog. Over the last three weeks or so, I've rambled across Ontario lands far and wide, traveling right to the Quebec border outside of Ottawa, and back down to Southwestern Ontario. All in the name of "business." I've been in a place so remote that not only was there no open wifi network, there was no wifi period. Dark days.

Fortunately, I managed to keep drinking during those troubled times. In fact, I've built up a large debt of blog posts to catch up on at this point, some that have forced me to buy extras of the beer just to remind my taste buds of how they felt about a particular can. This has all lead me to keep my empties collecting somewhat spotty (although not unsuccessful), and my attempt at free drinking to dip fairly far into the "it ain't free" category.

However, the show must go on!

I found myself up in Mississauga a few weeks ago, helping out someone explain a piece of technology to a company. With the 401 near Toronto always being a gamble for traffic, I left myself plenty of leeway in the time department. This resulted in smooth sailing on the highway, and me twiddling my thumbs in the parking lot for a potential hour. So, I did what any self-respecting human would do: I researched the closest government-run alcohol dispensary.

My searchings didn't take long, as there was a Beer Store just down the road. What it did provide was a unique opportunity to find a beer in this area that I usually wouldn't find at my local dispensary. And although I didn't find any Mississauga local beers (at least none I wanted to investigate further), I did find a Dutch beer I'd never seen before, and a chance to break into two forays I never had before.

A "strong" beer, and a beer I'd never tried before.

Introducing:

THE NAVIGATOR!

I'd never actually had a beer that was stronger than 6% before (at least not in memory, which can get fuzzy throughout this challenge), so I was certainly curious. Of course, I had to wait until I returned to my humble abode, so the can teased me for many hours while I waited with bated breath.

I was really expecting it to be quite bitter - back in my youthful days when I drank hard alcohol, I remember the higher percentage being more and more bitter. And at 8.4%, we were nearly in wine territory (which I absolutely despise).

However, it was quite the opposite. It had a rich, maple-like taste, and very little aftertaste. It was certainly a thicker beer, just on the border between free-flowing and a fine paste. However, the taste was a surprise. It actually reminded me somewhat of Budweiser.... but only better. I found myself sipping it for quite a while, perhaps an hour in total, while my day winded down. It's certainly not a beer you can drink fast; I suspect any attempt would get you 1: really bombed, and 2: sick. The taste is something you want to savor, not guzzle down like you're at a frat party and the hot girl you never had the nerve to talk to just showed up and is looking at you. In short, the taste is very rich. Don't drink it fast.

The can design is cool, with a deep red surrounding with an olde-timey ship majestically floating along the maple sea; this made me figure that it was brewed in a town right against the North Sea, but I was moderately surprised to find out that it was brewed in Enschede, a small-ish city deep in the Netherlands, right on the border with brewmaster Germany. There also didn't appear to be much water around Enschede, and it wasn't particularly close to Amsterdam (the XXX crest on the can), so there were those confusing aspects of it. But hey, who cares?

Overall, I was pleasantly surprised, and had a pretty solid buzz even after sipping it. It's not a beer you'd show up to a party with, but if you were out at the cottage or puttering around your house and had only one beer and a lot of work to do, I have a feeling it'd keep you feeling nice and warm inside.

I wouldn't recommend it with food either. Food would probably just ruin the maple taste. This is a beer meant to be enjoyed a la carte.

Of course, it also costs a pretty penny at the LCBO, ringing in at 2.75 a tallboy. That's a minor detractor, but it certainly didn't help me on my way to free drinking.

Net Zero Drinking:
$11.20 purchased
$10.90 returned
$0.30 down

The Real Dortmunder is the Free Dab

I must be doing something right. When I pretty much accepted that I was going to go back into the red side of the free beer challenge, a bone was thrown - perhaps even a sign from above - that kept me on the green side. That sign?

A cashier's delightful mistake!

Before you all burst out of your homes/dumpsters/friend's couch and rush to the LCBO, even I didn't expect this kind of good fortune. While attempting to pay via debit, the cashier mistakenly opened the register - and for those that never worked a cashier job, that apparently breaks the register, or confuses it to the point that it can't accept money.

Instead of re-confuubuling the energy-mo-tron, or whatever, the cashier just gave me the beer and told me it was "on them." Amazing!

I never actually got to drink it before I hit the movies, as a guy that couldn't figure out how a touchscreen required touching severely slowed me down, so instead I've returned to my humble abode to sip my extra-special beer...

...and as it so happens, it just may be my favourite beer.

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Now it was pretty evident from the beginning of this blog that I'm something of an experienced drinker. And given the fact that I live in Canada and have as of this moment, only reviewed beers from Europe, it's clear I've gone beyond the "drink whatever shite comes my way" and have tried quite a few. So with some of these reviews, we're not breaking some hallowed ground (although there is a bunch on the docket that most certainly will be a new experience in drinkage).

So! Let's begin!

Dab proudly calls itself the "Real Dortmunder", which is a damn catchy tagline. In fact, through routine, I now am unable to hold a fresh can of Dab without automatically saying it in my finest German accent (which is particularly terrible).

Now as a 5.0% alcohol beer, it's not breaking new ground as a strong beer or a "light" beer. And unlike other smooth tastes, that are designed to have as little bite as possible, Dab pulls no punches and throws itself out for what it is. There's certainly a little bit of bitterness when you first drink it; but it's not a strong bitterness and it's not unpleasant. It's a fairly unique taste (as far as beers go), and you definitely feel like you're drinking a beer when you have it. It sits in your stomach and you feel that warming tingle spread throughout your body (but you don't feel drunk from just one). But a strange (see: good) thing happens when you drink it. There's a bit of a bite at the beginning, but it gives way to a smooth, desirable aftertaste that I can't really compare to anything else.

If there's any downside to this beer, drinking too much of it will definitely dehydrate you. It has a dry feeling throughout, so you'll want to drink more as soon as you finish it.

As for the tagline "the real Dortmunder", and a surprisingly unspecific brewery location, I can only make the assumption that it's brewed in Dortmund, Germany, which is in the northeast part of the country, approximately 75 km (or 50 miles, for you people that haven't joined the winning, metric system team yet) from the border with eastern Netherlands. I've already found that in my small sample size of drinking beer, I am enjoying beers from that area of Europe. There's something so damn tasty about that water that it seems they can't go wrong with breweries there.

The label is really basic, which essentially no graphics on it, but yet it one of my favourites. It's "banner" style for the label really just displays information, such as the tagline, the fact that it's original (I didn't know imitation beers were a problem...) and a phrase "Actien-Brauerei", which I don't know what that means, and that it was established in 1868, one year after Canada was founded (perhaps a gift?).

All in all, ridiculously fantastic. And with a usual $2.00 price tag, it sits in the "discount" tallboy range, but it's killer taste really puts it up with some of the best beers I've drank.

Net Zero Drinking:
$8.45 purchased
$10.90 returned
$2.45 up

Kronenbourg - A Classy Beer For a Classy Part of Town

Another day, another beer reviewed...

I found that I had to get up early this morning to pick up a tree as part of the local conservation authority's recent tree-drive. And after ending up on video "for their website" (due mostly to the ridiculous lengths we went through to secure the tree to the bed of the pickup truck), I found myself with some more running around to do after picking up the beforementioned pool pump. Naturally, this took me to that part of town I drive through, which again involved a stop at the local alcohol dispensary.

After scooping up a Kronenbourg, which rings in at a rather pricey $2.60, I made a short jaunt over to my favourite trail in the city, which just happens to run adjacent to the "roaring" Thames River (no, not that Thames) and behind the richest community in the city (called River Bend), found a quiet spot with a great view, and prepared to crack open the beer.

 With the forest coming alive, I initially placed it down at the edge of a ridge, and snapped this photo of the tallboy beside the budding trillium. However, a quick view down the ridge opened up an even more opportune drinking area - a fallen log precariously suspended over the ridge, and far more private.

Sensing the opportunity, I hopped on down, saw my feet dangle above the 40 foot drop, and opened Mr. Kronenbourg up.

Now, I've been a big fan of this beer since I first tried it - it has a smooth, slightly-sweetish initial taste, followed by basically no aftertaste. The beer feels a little thicker than a usual lager on the tongue, but it's well worth it since it goes down so incredibly smooth. It truly is one of the best beers I've had, with the only real downside being the higher price tag. If I had to compare it to another beer, it would be closest in taste to Heineken, although more smooth.

In fact, the only downside to this beer was that while I was walking into the woods, I slipped on the trail and dropped the can in a creek - so the first few tastes were a bit Earthy, but that probably had more to do with the dirt on the lip that I swallowed (and even then, the Kronenbourg made that dirt damn tasty).

One thing that's always confused me about this beer was the "made in France" label proudly plastered on the can. Since France is more known for their wine, and I can't remember ever enjoying having a French beer before, it seemed particularly suspicious that the only one I could find was also particularly fantastic. So, once again, a google search came to the rescue.

This beer is brewed in Strasbourg. For those that don't know, Strasbourg is a border city in southwestern France, right beside the beer baron known as Germany. While I'm not familiar with the history of the city, I do know there was a (series?) of war(s) fought between the two nations for control/ownership of Strasbourg in the past, which I can only assume was based entirely on ownership rights to the Kronenbourg brewery.

Think about it: Kronenbourg says it was created in 1664, and the last-ish war fought over Strasbourg was in the early 20th century. The Kronenbourg label has "made in France" all over it, like a taunt to Germany that France can make tastier beer than the masters (fighting words if I ever saw them).

Naturally I have nothing to prove this wildly accurate claim, but you also can't provide evidence that it wasn't about owning the Kronenbourg brewery (except for all that evidence).

My only main criticism of this beer is the price - and although I acknowledge that it's a fantastic tasting beer, I find it hard to justify the $2.60 when I can drink beers with great tastes for around 2.00-2.20. And as a Net Zero Drinker, four Kronenbourgs could potentially equal 5-6 other beers.

Now, there is a silver lining to this 2.60 debacle I got myself into. While walking out of the forest, I did happen to scour the area and find 7 empties (not including the empty of the K-bourg itself). With it being a dramatic ravine, finding empties often proved to be a precarious and injury threatening situation. But where there's a will, there's a way...

Would I risk bodily harm going down this ravine for a potential 10 cent reward? YOU BET!

 In the end, the 80 cents found made the Kronenbourg a far more manageable net $1.80.

Net Zero Drinking:
$8.45 bought
$10.90 returned
$2.45 up

The Tree of Lech

Ah....

After a piss-off runaround afternoon, I finally got a reward (of more beer!). After running around, dealing with the government (ugh), returning a pool pump to hell the pool company, going to the bank, and returning my first collection of empties, I found that I had not only enough to cover the Faxe(s), but also to explore some more liquid nourishment.

Today, it was a Polish tallboy, harshly named Lech. Although the name, at least with an English accent, sounds like the ending sound of vomit, it doesn't disappoint. I remember tasting Lech a year or so ago and being underwhelmed by the taste, but it's possible I was already drunk at that point. And although my other tastings of Poland's concoctions proved to have similar results, this one felt... different. 

 To begin, I was in a part of the city that I didn't usually stop in, but frequently drove through. The best part about it was that it's close to the fringes, and there was some good nature trails nearby, ones that I frequently ran on or biked through.

So a short drive down the road put me into a great, hilly natural area with a single trail, and the perfect opportunity to slink away the annoying afternoon of bullshit with some music and Lech.

After finding a quiet place where I could see the trail (but not be seen) and relax in nature, I cracked open the Pivo and started sipping.

I have to say, although there was a strange similarity to Faxe, the aftertaste was a little more bitter and harsh; but I actually enjoyed it more than Faxe. Perhaps it was because I was out in nature, "secretly" drinking away my annoyances with the day while listening to music, but I like to think it was something more. After polishing it off, I noticed that it hit me harder than the Faxe, as I felt a little more than a buzz (and I was drinking this with essentially the same food in my stomach). This was despite the fact that it has the standard amount of alcohol, at 5%. Fortunately, the buzz wore away quite quickly and I was away.

As for where it was brewed, it says it's from Poznan, Poland, which is on the Warta river in Western Poland. It's a pretty large city, so I suspect Lech is a popular beer in Europe, but hasn't translated to much more than an average "speciality" beer in Ontario. And at a price of 1.95 a can, it's generally worth the price of admission, although I could say you can find better at a similar price.

It won't offend the senses, but it won't blow you away. Although if you're out in nature, the can's design blends in quite well with the greenery around you, making it handy for discreet drinking.

At least I'm back on the right side of Net Zero.

Net Zero Drinking:
$5.85 bought
$10.90 returned
$5.05 up

Faxe "Premium" - An after run snack.

So, I figured I'd start this off with something relatively easy and well-known(ish). I went for a long run at my favourite trail while carrying a hatchet (and your mother told you not to run with knives...) to hack down a fallen tree from the trail, and after running 8KM in total, I returned to my house after a quick stop at a nearby LCBO, where I've been coined as "the weird guy with the camera on his chest" (I'll explain later/never), two tallboy cans (500ml) of Faxe Premium safely tucked under my arm.

Of course, as soon as I got in the door I remembered that in order to make money, I had to finish a video job for a client - which is safely rendering in the background as I write this. As you can see by the picture, things started off smoothly.

As for the beer itself, it was the first time in recent memory that I have drank the viking's choice. It advertises itself as a Lager, and it certainly feels and tastes like a lager; but it's certainly a decent taste, although my taste buds did not explode with joy upon the taste.

A great plus is that the aftertaste is pretty smooth, and the first taste isn't particularly bitter. It has a good level of hops (which one day I'll learn what it is), and the standard amount of alcohol percentage (5%) doesn't get you drunk, but just a nice, relaxing warmth after just a single can.

As far as the label goes (always an important factor when judging a beer), I'm a fan of the viking emblem, and the three-colour scheme gives it a bit of a standout against the white-can, but I can't say it really stands out in a sea of other can designs.

And now price: at $1.90 for 500ml, I can't complain. For the LCBO, that's a pretty good tallboy price, putting it in the "cheaper" variety of tallboys, and the taste is good enough that you don't feel like you're drinking a cheap beer.

I wasn't blown away by the taste, but it did feel familiar even though this was my first foray into the watery craft of the Danish. I can't say I'm thrilled with it, but I have to admit that I've had it out for Denmark ever since they claimed that random Arctic Island between Baffin Island and Greenland as their own, instead of Canada's (honestly, how did Denmark ever get Greenland in the first place?). So it's probably a little better than I'm giving it credit for.

And where in Denmark is it from? A quick google search indicates the beer is brewed in Fakse, which is a small town just slightly inland from the southwestern portion of the Baltic Sea, in a portion of it called "Faxe Bugt", which I can only assume means "Faxe Bay". As a firm believer that water really is the chief indicator of tastes, I can only leave this one up to "haven't drank one from there before."

Net Zero Drinking Challenge:
2 beers bought @ 1.90

-$3.80

$0.00 returned

Free Drinking, You Say?

Greetings, fellow beer drinkers, swillers, connoisseurs, sippers, guzzlers, and everything in between. Perhaps you found this blog by accident, or perhaps because you saw "free drinking" and said "I want in on that!" before being conned by yours truly. Now before you storm off in rage, allow me to explain the purpose of what you're reading: The Net Zero Beer - The free drinking challenge blog.

I've started this blog as a way of chronicling the various beers I drink, while simultaneously reviewing them, while also engaging in a challenge to do it all Net Zero cost. How, do you say? The answer, my friends, is simple.

The Empties Deposit Program.

In Ontario, where I live, much like a few select US states and other random provinces I've never been to, gives back ten cents per empty you return. And with the government (liquor control board of Ontario/LCBO) having a tight fist over distribution and cost, it's pretty consistent what you can expect in terms of price - between $1.25-$3.00 a beer. As such, it's an easy formula to see how many empties you have to return in order to afford a beer. And based on where I live (the fringes of a rural, medium-sized city), finding enough empties isn't an impossible task.

And naturally, I like drinking a variety of beers. The LCBO does a good job keeping a big variety of beers to try, so I suspect to have a lot of options. And in addition to my beer drinking, I also like to drink in different places. So, with all that in mind, the ultimate goal of this blog is to chronicle the random, hobo-esque journey to try all the beers the LCBO supplies, as well as find out how possible it is to drink for free.

I will be sure to give the basics of each beer, including price (that I paid), alcohol content, and perhaps some other random musings. There will be pictures. There will be virtually no scientific facts. It will be based heavily on my opinions. If you're looking to find informed, well-crafted opinions, prepare to be disappointed.

It'll be fun!.......for me.

Net Zero Drinking challenge:
$0.00
$0.00 - returned